woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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