You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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