new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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