the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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