i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
