Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
