the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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