woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
