Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
