Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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