Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
