i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
