How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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