i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
