Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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