Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
