We won't sleep together?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
