Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
