He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
