So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
3pm strippers are depressing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
