After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
