Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
