I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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