it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
