Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
