She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
