Already got asked if we're dating
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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