I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
