He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize