3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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