You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
