Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need a beard to bite.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
