those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize