I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i came on her dog
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
