The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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