Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
