I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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