Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
