I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mom said you looked used
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
