are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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