garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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