Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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