evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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