Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize