Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
