You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize