why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
