The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
