isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
