think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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