Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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