it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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