Christians are straight up FREAKS
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
