hotel room ftw
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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