at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
