I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
