Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
