I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
