All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
