Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
