I cockslap morals
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
