I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
