don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize