Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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