I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
