Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
