I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize