the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
