my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
