So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
