it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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