I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
