Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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