I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
