If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
