Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
